Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
