rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
