No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
