whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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