he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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