insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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