so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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