In the future we'll all be gay
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
