Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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