I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
