So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
