oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I believe in your delicious
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
