I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
