the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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