You really coming over, don't trick.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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