epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
