Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So much Jack, so little girl.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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