shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
