Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
