you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
