Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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