Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
