Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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