How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
