I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
