I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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