NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want you more than these girls want KFC
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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