Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
