omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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