3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
