My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
