i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
