your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
