Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
