She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
