remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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