I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
