Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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