i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
