Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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