She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
