Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
