Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
