Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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