you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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