I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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