id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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