Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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