Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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