Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
