I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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