I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
