you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
