The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
