I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
