Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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