going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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