____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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