I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
