I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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