i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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