You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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