where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize