im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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