I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
