If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
