Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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