kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
