i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
